And God Laughs
"We make plans, and God laughs." old Yiddish proverb
Often, late at night, I reflect on all the plans that Gene and I had made for the future. The time was coming when we would no longer have either of our mothers to consider during the holidays. One of our dreams was to go to New York City for Christmas. With no family dinners to attend, that seemed like a great time to revisit the Big Apple and see the city dressed in Christmas finery.
We loved Southeastern Conference sports. We discussed attending the next Alabama bowl appearance that was within driving distance. We talked of getting tickets to the SEC basketball tournament. On autumn Saturdays we usually turned to ESPN Game Day programming by 11:00 am, and were usually still in our seats twelve hours later.
The state fair in Birmingham was another target. Neither of us had ever been. We looked forward to exhibits, animals, and fair food.
He wanted to show me Philadelphia, a city he had lived in for two and a half years, and where he was remembered as the Wednesday Night Karaoke King, The man could sing! He had perfect pitch and a range of several octaves. He got me to marry him by singing "Unforgettable", which became our song.
I, in turn, wanted to show him my New Orleans, the city I have visited more than any other. I told him about the French Quarter, Cafe Du Monde, Jackson Square, Bourbon Street and Canal Street. There was Preservation Hall, the Court of Two Sisters, Pat O'Brian's and Commander's Palace. And not to forget the top of the Trade Center, the Huey P. Long Bridge, Audubon Park and the Garden District. Raw oysters for me, fried shrimp for him. 'Twould be a grand tour.
Also on our agenda was at least one more trip to the Gulf and a weekend in the Smokies, traditional vacation spots.
Memorial Day in Decatur for the hot-air balloon races was something else I longed to see again.
Louisville, Kentucky, the first week in May. Derby Week was something I had also learned to love.
Once more seeing Savannah, one of our most beautiful southern cities.
Maybe Key West in the dead of winter.
Yes, we would have a fine time just the two of us. It was how we planned to cope with the loss of our families.
We didn't plan on a cerebral hemorrhage.
Now I am here alone, using a walker, sometimes a motorized wheelchair. I never ONCE considered that he would go before me. And I found myself in the unusual position of having no plan at all. I am reminded again of the old adage I copied above this text.
But that is what humans do....they plan. And dream. And forget that everything depends on Him.
I forgot, and now a year later still struggle to pick up the pieces. God helps me. He sends friends and good days that help me hang on. I can get through a day now without crying. I no longer dread the coming sunrise. I don't yet celebrate it, but I am at least glad to still be here, different as life has become for me. Sometimes I feel I am finding my way and sometimes I still feel lost. I wish I could talk to Mama, so I do. Knowing her, I believe she hears. And alone in this beautiful house Gene built us, I talk to him too. No one has ever lived here but the two of us.
I was raised not to quit and I haven't. I was born strong and though weakened for a while, my strength is returning, if not my joy. Everything in its season.
Still standing. I think that says it all!
